I find it interesting the perception many get from an individual’s public life versus their personal life. Years ago I became a fan of a female author on Facebook, later a friend of mine connected us as friends. As I viewed her posts I become even more of a fan and really looked up to her. Later on, we began to chat and got to know each other. I remember telling her in a text once that I would love to sit one evening and drink with her. She replied she was not that exciting, that is when I began to see and get to really know her instead of what I perceived through social media. Today I admire and value her even more.
If you follow me and have read my bio, or my blog introduction there is much you will know about me. However, life behind the scenes is both more difficult and simple for me than it seems to be online. A friend once told me things were not as easy for her as they are for me. I about choked. She had no idea how hard it is for me to do simple things on a regular basis. I have to work very hard to accomplish things sometimes. This is because I have ADHD, or as I have come to learn, I am Neuro-Diverse, and impulsive. Sometimes I struggle with obsessive thinking too. This means change can be difficult or even anger me when I can’t figure it out.
I equate my memory and thinking process to swiss cheese and you never know which hole it will flow through. It is also why I say I am the most difficult child I have ever raised! Much of my mental time is spent managing my impulsiveness with self-talk like, no, you are not going to do that, no you do not need to do that and so on. This all has to get wrangled and pushed aside for me to focus on a task or to make a plan of action.
My property is where I think this shows the most. There is so much I want to do yet it all seems so big and I battle with getting overwhelmed or giving up. I do my best to accept that it is okay for me to be scattered or not to get the huge to-do list I have done. It is okay to leave things partially done, even if it is difficult for others around me to deal with that, because that is who and what I am.
I get on my own case about it all the time, it is my inner discipline. This is why I tell folks I am well aware of the messes I leave behind. I get frustrated with my messes and incomplete tasks too. I do not need criticism about it, because I already have enough of that in playing in my head that I am trying to sort through.
Often this means when I am working on a task or project it will be at the exclusion of everything else, property, dishes, laundry, and so on.
My most recent project has been my resell business. I have recently inherited quite a bit of inventory of collectibles and more. It took me a while to wrap my head around what to do with it all. I love finding bargains and selling them. I think it is what I should have been doing all along, well that and writing. Yet as is common with an impulsive person like me, I jump into things not thinking of the details that come with it.
Because this inventory is rather high-end, there have been countless hours of research into the items to discover what they are called, and their value. Then there is finding the right platform to sell it on, not to mention the right place to look for it in the first place. I have found I love that part of it too! Who knew!
Yesterday I finally managed to get the many boxes of stuff inventoried and out of my dining room and office. You can see the floor! Oooh, the floor which I have not swept in a week or more.
Ah yes once I am done with a project awareness of everything else comes flooding in. Suddenly my head is full of, it is Friday and I have a blog article to write by Sunday, oh then there is my magazine article due next month, oh and I’m going out with friends Sunday, oh look at the weeds in that garden! and damn my foot and back are killing me! And so my life goes and I love every bit of it. I have often said life is messy so enjoy it. Then once in a working with Odin he told me life is lived in the mists of chaos. It was very validating for someone like me. I am a type A and always on the go, so I guess it is a good thing I have that Neuro-Divergent hyper-activity to keep me going through the string of messes that compile my wonderful, unique, and spontaneous life that I love. Now I see my messes as creation in process, and dust in this Witches house as the leftovers of that creation and it is all magic.
