Tag: Shadow Work

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The Comfort Zone and Magic

The Comfort Zone and Magic

By Cat Gina Cole 5/25/23

Most of us have heard or been told not to do anything outside our comfort zone as though that threshold is a huge stop sign. While valid in many social circumstances and even in some magical ones, it can actually prevent you from gaining knowledge and experience. Witchcraft and Magic are transgressive by nature and should take us beyond our comfort zone.

This brings up questions like what is our comfort zone, what is its function, why should we move past it, and how do we move past it?

Our comfort zone is something that was socially conditioned into us for general safety, or something we created based on our experiences to keep us safe for many valid reasons. We put it up and leave it in place and never question it again and it becomes a taboo to ever cross, even for ourselves. If we ignore our comfort zone and make no changes, it will restrict further growth and can in some cases cause us and others harm. As we grow physically and mentally, we must also give ourselves permission to change the hard and fast “rules” and adjust those that no longer work for us.

For example, an individual who has been abused or traumatized in any way might continue seeing themselves as a victim/survivor and keep themselves away from social interaction. This is a valid reaction as one heals, but if you stay there, you never heal completely. Instead, it becomes how you identify and becomes all you are. When that happens all decisions and actions are based on past experiences only.

In my recovery from being an abused/traumatized person, staying in my comfort zone was only one PART of the healing process, not the end place, and not my whole identity forever. The comfort zone from trauma is not meant to be a comfort zone forever. We are not meant to live in fear. Danger is real, fear is a mechanism to teach us and to be learned from. Fear provides us the opportunity to grow beyond fear’s limitations. And fear shows us our current limits and asks us if want to stay there or go beyond it. This fact about fear has a lot to do with the phrase, “There is no light without the dark”

Staying in a fixed comfort zone promotes the mindset that anything we need or want in our lives must come from outside ourselves. Holding this belief means we believe we have no personal power; no control or choice and it keeps us perpetually at the mercy of others and helpless.

Nothing could be further from the truth. All of us have personal power and choice, all of us have the right and power to claim ourselves, and to create our own lives. We do not “have to” wait on others. To do so only leads to a repetitive cycle of disappointment. This is because no one can satisfy your needs and desires like you can.

Everyone needs a little help now and then, sometimes you are not sure what you are looking for, but others might. These people should only be guides to help you find your personal empowerment, not people who keep you dependent or helpless, so watch for that when you seek the like-minded, friends, teachers, and counselors. And when you find one, examine your comfort zone, and ask yourself, are they one the healthy side, challenging you to grow or are they on the side of it that says, they are not healthy for me?

Now that we know much more about the Comfort Zone, what it really is and what it does let’s apply all that to Witchcraft and Magic. If for example you are looking for a magical social group and only stay in your comfort zone, you may never find one. Especially if you approach a group and you allow your comfort zone to make the decision. This can result in you not joining in and having a good experience. Instead, you will feel like a spectator and not connect with anyone. Like all things Magical and Witchcraft this will take repeated effort to accomplish for some. If you feel like a spectator rather than a participant, you are also blocking the energy flow. This is true if it is a social group, a group ritual or even a solitary magical working. This then prevents any working or group from being that much more effective and powerful. Letting go of our comfort zone for the moment is the only way to feel fully engaged and share the energy flow of the experience.

Particularly in Magic and Witchcraft, the comfort zone will lie to you and tell you, you cannot do magical practices until you are taught. This is because in your comfort zone as it currently is, has you believing you have no personal power or ability; you have only doubt. Which is a lie, you do have personal power and all of you have magic within you.

But you will not find it until you push past your comfort zone and step out to the other side and into the magical energy all around you. Once this is done, and you continue to play around with Magic and Witchcraft for a while, it will lead you to ask more questions, read more books, meet more people, and this will begin your path.

Even those who have been practicing for some time can still struggle with their comfort zone. Feeling Magical energy can be quite intense and “uncomfortable” and sometimes scary. Some might even believe that a simple mirror spell or freezer spell is black magic or worry about harm none, or a person’s free will. Only to a point are these things valid.

They are designed to keep the beginner cautious, which is ok in the beginning, but staying with this thinking prevents you from exploring the full depths of Witchcraft and Magic.

There is such a thing as Magical Defense, and Magical Defense is not black magic. Magical Defense is protection from an action you know someone else took first. Now if out of the blue you decide for no real reason to harm someone or put a curse on them just for sport or fun, or just to see if you can, that is what most call black magic.

Any spell or working can be used either for good or harm. There is no list of this one is good this one is harmful; it is all in why and how it is being used. Thinking of black magic in this way is typically out of someone’s comfort zone and is an example of someone who has not gone beyond their zone to discover this is true for themselves, they just stopped at the perceived boundary.

I think of the comfort zone as a signal that I have been triggered about something in my past. When I feel it, I remember I am not in the past. I am in the now, and I am doing a working that needs my focus and full power and energy.  This allows me to push it aside until I am finished, I will come back to it later and address whatever it was separately.

It would not do while leading a ritual or spell to break down in the middle of it and give in to the emotional self. As in the example above, it only robs the working of all power and effectiveness. Stepping past the comfort zone in Witchcraft and Magic allows you to step into the full power and energy of the working making your magic much more effective. So, the next time your comfort zone bumps against you, tell it “Not now, I am busy growing, learning, being magical, manipulating energy and gaining personal power.”             Many Blessings to All!

 

 

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DARK MAGIC AND THE SHADOWS

For many Magical practitioners, winter is, the dark time, and full of shadows. Seasonally we have only one winter, but it has occurred to me that according to our modern calendar, winter actually comes twice a year. In January most of us are deep into winter, then it comes again at the end of the year.

Winter brings in the new year and also ends the year. In the fall we see the slow onset of winter as it darkens and blankets the area for the rest of the season. In spring we see the slow recession of its grip and see the hope of spring arrive. Winter shows us the very cycle of “Life, Death, and Rebirth”

Many of us get snow which can lift our spirits. It is cold, it is crisp, it is fresh and it changes the way everything looks, smells, and sounds.

Magically what is snow? Snow is white, the color of purification and clarity. Snow has a way of purifying the air as it pushes all the dust and pollution back into the Earth. To me, that is the air getting cleansed and charged. Because cold crisp fresh air is invigorating, and easier to breathe, everything just feels lighter in a dark season and lifts my spirits too.

Snow is a combination of elements. Snow begins as water. Water is H-2-O, which gets so frozen in the atmosphere it becomes crystalized and falls to the Earth, where solids belong. These crystals bring all the purity and cleansing we know clear crystals to have to Earth with them. Later, they provide nourishing water that brings forth our spring.

Snow also gives us stillness because it seems to make everything stop. Snow dampens sound and stifles movement. This dampens the usual noise we are so used to hearing and gives us cause to listen and notice things. In this way, snow creates a liminal space. This makes it easier for those of us who can, to notice and communicate with the darkness and shadow of the season.

Most think of liminal space as crossroads, thresholds, portals, doors, walk through trees, the beach, and more. The liminal space that snow creates is not often spoken of. It is a liminal space of time. It creates something similar to what many feel when they walk into a church, where all the buzz of the world and time stops. There is only you and your soul. This is why so many do shadow work in this liminal time.

The darkness gives us space enough to let go of what is not useful, apply acceptance and awareness, put your fear aside, gather your strengths, grab your courage in spite of fears, and gain faith in our own ability and that of our divine. We do this shadow work so we can be ready to step across the threshold into a whole new year of the unknowable when spring comes.

When a magical practitioner finds a dark shadow in themselves or others and there is snow on the ground, you can place it in the snow to first freeze it and render it powerless, then to be purified by the snow, then to dissolve as the snow melts.

That kind of shadow work and dark magic is the lighter side of working “Dark Magic and Shadows. The lighter stuff is what prepares us for the real stuff to come. When we clean up our personal shadows, we are better prepared to face any other shadow that may come, not only in life but in Magic.

A Magical practitioner who faces their own shadows and has no fear of them will be able to face the more surprising darker things one encounters in Magic. On occasion, a “dark thing” will pop up in meditation, or a dream or astral travel. Even when working with deities or spirits we sometimes encounter dark stuff. Our shadow work allows us to face them and build skills to handle them. Make no mistake dark things exist in all facets of life and Magic.

It is the job of the Magical practitioner to be able to identify the dark, then decide how best to proceed. Either with protection, engagement or to provide accurate information to others.

There are many definitions of Dark Magic as there is with any type of Magic and discussions on White or Dark Magic and the ethics of it all. I am not here to debate that or give you a set answer to that. What I will and can say, is that Dark Magic exists whether you believe in it or not.

The power comes from acknowledgment. For example, there is an individual whose name I never say. I never say their name because I do not want any acknowledgment of any kind to lend power to them or to create an energetic link back to me. This is knowing darkness is there, but not acknowledging it. This is a type of magical defense, like putting up a shield. Belief is power and any power can be a spell or a protection.

This allows for us Magical practitioners to be aware and knowledgeable but not engage in anything we do not choose to. Yes, we can choose to accept what we experience or reject it, good or bad, either choice is a Magical power.

I have had plenty of occasions to walk among the dark shadows and to do dark magic. Being able to work dark magic and having it available when the need arises is a defense to the dark arts. I find it allows me to walk the light as a better protected and confident Magical practitioner.

So do not be afraid, to look into the shadows or dark magic and come to know them. Just because you look or know and are able does not mean that is where you will reside nor does it make you a dark practitioner, it makes you wise, protected, confident, and capable.

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Personal contradictions and dualities

 

Personal contradictions and dualities

Every day social media asks the ultimate loaded question: “What is on your mind?” Well in the age of instantly knowing everything at once how can we not have too much on our minds? This highlights one of many dualities, how do we care about everything going on in the world and balance that with time for ourselves? I do not mean doing fun things with friends and family here. I mean us personally. In this fast-paced world taking time to feel, to grieve, to be happy, to cry, to enjoy a moment alone, time to let ourselves really feel everything we need to in order to properly think and process is not encouraged. That is until Covid.

During the lockdowns, the feelings we had stuffed from being so busy began to rise. Anger was at the forefront. Anger at the way the world was, anger at the way our jobs are or are not, housing, health, murder, civil rights and so much more. The onslaught of media has us angry at all of these things. Then we are angry at the politicians for not doing enough fast enough.

But here is the thing about that part. They can’t do enough fast enough no more than we can as an individual, and that is what angers us the most because it highlights how powerless and overwhelmed, we feel, so we project our feelings towards them and everyone.

There is an implied assumption fueled by the media that they should do more when we feel our world is such a mess. We forget they are people with emotions, health needs, and families that get overwhelmed or bogged down in rules and laws that we put in place. In our anger and sense of powerlessness, we forget that, so we blame, judge get angry, and lash out at everyone. Does that let them off the hook? No, but they need time we do not feel we can give them.

Rather than letting our anger and feelings run if we could acknowledge our sense of powerlessness and anger then begin to do something that we do have control over it would ease our anger and powerlessness. This would give us time to think, feel and simply be for a moment. Doing things like gardening, laundry, meditating, taking time to cry, grieve, laugh, do a hobby, getting the mail, changing the house around, go outside for five minutes, or most anything that is for us personally gives us solace, a sense of control and a sense of being right in our corner of the world.

When we participate in the fervor of the blame game on media, we forget we are responsible for giving ourselves solace and control. This is not the job of anyone outside of us, not politicians not loved ones, just ourselves. However, because we are human it is much easier to lash out at others or let ourselves be baited by others.

This happens simply because we are human, does that let us off the hook? No. No more than it does the politician. We are accountable for ourselves, our anger, our being judgmental, and for giving to ourselves, all of it. Is this easy? No! Are we bad people because we fall into these traps? Only if we do not pull ourselves out of them and take joy in it or let it become the person we are.

I think under all the anger and feeling of powerlessness, most people’s hearts and souls are quite different. I think more people than not say to themselves “It should not be this way” or “That is not how I really feel” or have remorse for something they said or did in a heated moment. When we feel this way it is the time for accountability.

That feeling is our que we have done something against our inner nature. To be accountable we can apologize or own our stuff in some fashion. That redemption is what keeps us liking ourselves and quells our anger. If we do not do this, we end up hating life, everything in it, and ourselves too. This leads to feeling even more powerless and it becomes a cycle.

I know we are not encouraged to admit we were wrong or did a bad thing. It is perceived as weak and we are taught it only opens us up to attack shame or rejection. Society has us fearing a societal consequence while ignoring the personal consequence which is much more destructive to our lives. We end up feeling miserable and hopeless. Then we act miserable because our emotions come out in our actions and words.

It took me a while to figure this all out and I am by no means perfect at it. But each day, in moderation, I do what I can to tell myself that taking care of myself, doing things for myself, is more important than anything or anyone. We have all seen what can happen when the individual goes too far with self-importance. I am talking about doing this in a healthy way, in moderation, with accountability, responsibility, and humility.

Humility is another taboo in our society. It too is a contradiction and duality the human being has. I once said confidence is symbiotic with arrogance and is difficult to temper with humility. But we as humans must temper it or we have all the things that have been discussed previously. We end up with what we see on social media. An attitude of “screw other people they do nothing for me.” We see disregard and dissolution with anyone perceived as an authority or someone offering their own view. Most on social media are people angrily yelling I matter more. This is because they have not turned their attention to themselves. Listened to themselves, loved themselves and they still think it is the job of others to make them feel valid.

It is not the job of others to make you feel as though you matter or that you are valid and heard, because they will always fall short of your expectations, only you can meet your own expectations fully. You will feel discounted and invalid until you validate yourself in a way only you can.

As I write that I am well aware many will take issue with my words and misunderstand them, all for the reasons stated above. When I say it is not the job of others to make sure you matter, I am not talking about civil rights, gender, or anything like that, I speak only of the inner self.

The human being is a complicated critter, and because of social conditioning and social media, our inner conflicts and dualities have only gotten more complicated. I have even had to address my own misogyny and behaviors that were conditioned into me as I grew up. I did so because I realized it was in direct conflict with my beliefs about gender, relationships, and love, and I have many more I need to deal with, we all do. It is lifetime work however, it is my self-acceptance and humility that allows me to say so openly without fear of what others will say because the kind of person I am matters the most to me, not them.

So, what keeps us in duality and contradictions that no longer serve us? Fear. Mostly what others think and social consequences. But the biggest one is the fear of change and the unknown. But here is the most obvious and unstated and unrecognized thing about that, rather we change or not we still have consequences. So the way I see it I would rather have consequences that are mine to deal with, consequences that come from me not others. This allows me to stop worrying about what others think or what they will do. It is an interesting duality to be sure.

In nature there is duality in all things, a light side a dark side, an upside a downside, a green side, and a dark green side. However, with nature, we embrace and accept that, we seldom accept that about ourselves or say it is ok because in our society it is a taboo to admit that about ourselves. If we admit our duality and contradictions, we are seen as broken or in need of mental health. I feel it is just who I am and it is my job to manage that the best I can. It is not the job of my friends, loved ones, social media, or the media to monitor those contradictions and dualities or even to give me advice about it.

The job of others is to see you as clearly as you see yourself and love you anyway. It is their job to trust that you are handling it because they will really know you when you are that transparent. If they do not, take care of you and move on in some fashion. Yet in human contradiction and duality, it is the human passion to point out someone else’s faults to them as though they are five years old.

It is true sometimes people do not see their duality and contradictions. If so and you are close to them then this is the time it is appropriate to offer insight. But you will not know if they are aware until you take a risk and ask first before assuming and telling them what you think they should do.

Another contradiction and duality is how far people will go to avoid what they perceive as conflict or to take the risk of being honest and speak up or ask a question. Again, fear puts us in this place. I do not fear this because I am the one dealing with me and any fallout is my responsibility, not theirs. It is the most liberating place I have ever been even when it makes those, I love uncomfortable.

People have tried for many years to keep me within their idea of safe and protected to no avail. They attempt this because it is comfortable for them to see others do as they would do. It validates their position, feelings, and perceptions. It also allows them to not face things that are different than what they would do or what they see as reasonable. The way my family raised me was the greatest contradiction of all. They raised me to be an honest free thinker and doer, that is until I was that way toward them because it made them face their own choices, words, and actions. This is the meaning behind the statement “others are a mirror of your own issues.”

In summary, we all have duality and contradictions because we are human and we are built that way, so we may as well accept that about ourselves and of others and make it work for us instead of feeling broken and quit fussing so much about how others do things on a personal level. Which is yet another contradiction and duality in the human being, we all want autonomy, many demand it, yet they spend so much time interfering with the autonomy of others. I find human beings to be complex, exhausting, and amusing creatures.