Life is funny just as I sit down to write about how I feel like I am fading from public life a friend messages and tells me they are carrying the commercial they made for me on their channel. How sweet and thank you, Harold Sanford Carter III, I needed that.
So, what is on my mind today? I have come to realize I am a person who can only focus on one major thing at a time. A friend asked about it on FB the other day. For example, if I am writing a book, all else falls aside, housework, friends, everything and my book has my entire focus, like a method actor becoming the role. I get blinders on and do not see anyone else but what I am focused on and nothing else matters.
This is true of everything in my life. I recently had a loving friend I reached out to, kindly show me that when I have serious stuff to deal with I push friends away rather than include them in the process. Which, leaves them with feelings of their own about my actions. This shows that you are never done working on yourself, life always has more to show you.
Currently, I am not in the public spotlight and feel, I am better able to see and accept such things, it is one of the perks of not being in the spotlight. I have often said that the more involved you are with this man’s world, the farther from your spirituality you are. I guess this occurrence proves the point. And, as you can see like all things, this trait in me has a good side and a consequence.
For example, when it became clear to me my husband needed more of my support due to his illness, I threw myself into it quickly one hundred percent without looking back. No harm no foul right? Sure, except I left people out of the process who love us both.
So what has me in this frame of mind? I think it is a combination of things, self-discovery, medication, and the realization that I am moving into a different phase of life with my husband. It is the phase where our main focus is managing our health and how much we depend on each other for that.
I also know that balance has to be a part of the job. I have to keep the things that make me content and feel useful and not ignore them. I have to learn to balance that with the time it takes for me to care for my hubby, and I am adjusting. As I adjust I will be adding more of the things I enjoy like writing a blog and teaching.
I love what my friend Phaedra Bonewits says about balance, “Balance is like a pendulum, it moves all over and always comes back to center.” In other words, balance is not walking the straight and narrow it is more about going with the flow.
